We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
we should paint friendship bongs
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
