nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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