Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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