Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
