Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
