I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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