You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
