Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
