I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
