im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
