im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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