i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
