my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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