I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
