btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
