i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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