I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
