Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
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Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
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Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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