She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
