I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i now understand why vodka
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
