I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
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I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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