Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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