he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
