five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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