i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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