Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
