I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
