yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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