that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
someone owes me an orgasm
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
