Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
