i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
