The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
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