Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
a search helicopter?!
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
