I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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