No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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