my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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