Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize