What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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