I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
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