I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
