it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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