I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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