if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
