I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
