It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
