I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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