but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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