I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
