how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
