There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
