The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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