I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
