At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
