He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
