Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
