Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
