We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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