remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
