Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
