is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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