And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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