she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
