I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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