SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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