OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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