FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
