I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
