I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
