Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
