I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
