im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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